This week is reading week aka fall break. This means that I am halfway through my first semester of seminary. And this is my first post as a full-blown seminarian. Wow. I suppose this is a testament to a bit of my life as a seminarian; my day is full of juggling class, readings, assignments, work, worrying about how these readings affect my theological point of view, and regular crises of identity. I've come out of the constant berating of intellectual, theological, and emotional work for this nice break and I feel myself settling into life at PLTS, Berkeley, and the West Coast. I'm doing pretty well academically and want to step up my game theologically these next months.
My roommate and I often have moments of "WOW I'M IN CALIFORNIA!" .....the other first years are from California so they are not as awe struck, so they just chuckle at us. :) The seminary has this beautiful view from the top of the hill; the clear blue water of the Bay, the green of the trees dotting the hills, and SF's skyscrapers across the Bay. I love the balmy winds, the fog that rushes in at random times, the palm trees, and flowers I've never seen before blooming in October. This is my new home and I love it wholeheartedly (and not just because the produce is so freaking cheap here haha).
My life these past months have been punctuated with so many laughs, great conversations, new revelations, tears, and sorrow. I am going through so much change and the support that I have found in the people at PLTS and my other homes has been immense and profound for me.
I'm back in Columbus; I got in last night and I cannot believe how weird it feels to be here at this home again. I'll be here for a few days and it already feels overwhelming because there are so many people I love and want to see and I know that I will not see everyone I'd like to. I am blessed to have so many people that I love, who love me and are there for me. Being here has helped me see the amount of change that I'm going through. In the split second when I first saw Jillien as she picked me up the airport, I realized how much I had to share with her and did not know where to start. I've learned so much about white privilege, Lutheranism, Zion theology, but really the biggest part is what I understand about myself after these months.
I feel myself grasping the foundations of who I am and what I need. This self discovery is creating change in my personal life, which hurts and feels like the world is caving in. But "they" (every person who has gone through seminary and given me advice) said that this year would be a difficult one full of breakdowns and massive discoveries. I'm learning but it is surprising me how much the theological breakthroughs are not taking my life over; I embrace the dualities and paradoxes and confusing blurry points of theology. The part that gets me is this question: "Who am I within all of this?"
As ever, thanks for listening and supporting me, dear readers.