Home.

This week is reading week aka fall break. This means that I am halfway through my first semester of seminary.  And this is my first post as a full-blown seminarian.  Wow.  I suppose this is a testament to a bit of my life as a seminarian; my day is full of juggling class, readings, assignments, work, worrying about how these readings affect my theological point of view, and regular crises of identity.  I've come out of the constant berating of intellectual, theological, and emotional work for this nice break and I feel myself settling into life at PLTS, Berkeley, and the West Coast.  I'm doing pretty well academically and want to step up my game theologically these next months.

My roommate and I often have moments of "WOW I'M IN CALIFORNIA!" .....the other first years are from California so they are not as awe struck, so they just chuckle at us. :)  The seminary has this beautiful view from the top of the hill; the clear blue water of the Bay, the green of the trees dotting the hills, and SF's skyscrapers across the Bay.  I love the balmy winds, the fog that rushes in at random times, the palm trees, and flowers I've never seen before blooming in October.  This is my new home and I love it wholeheartedly (and not just because the produce is so freaking cheap here haha).

My life these past months have been punctuated with so many laughs, great conversations, new revelations, tears, and sorrow.  I am going through so much change and the support that I have found in the people at PLTS and my other homes has been immense and profound for me.

I'm back in Columbus; I got in last night and I cannot believe how weird it feels to be here at this home again.  I'll be here for a few days and it already feels overwhelming because there are so many people I love and want to see and I know that I will not see everyone I'd like to.  I am blessed to have so many people that I love, who love me and are there for me.  Being here has helped me see the amount of change that I'm going through.  In the split second when I first saw Jillien as she picked me up the airport, I realized how much I had to share with her and did not know where to start.  I've learned so much about white privilege, Lutheranism, Zion theology, but really the biggest part is what I understand about myself after these months.

I feel myself grasping the foundations of who I am and what I need.  This self discovery is creating change in my personal life, which hurts and feels like the world is caving in.  But "they" (every person who has gone through seminary and given me advice) said that this year would be a difficult one full of breakdowns and massive discoveries.  I'm learning but it is surprising me how much the theological breakthroughs are not taking my life over; I embrace the dualities and paradoxes and confusing blurry points of theology.  The part that gets me is this question: "Who am I within all of this?"

As ever, thanks for listening and supporting me, dear readers.

Adventuring, ancient language style.

At first, the concept of learning Greek seemed like a formidable mountain, of which I only knew tales of woe or victory.  My mother easily recalls the fateful day her summer Greek course ended--it involved collapsing on a couch in exhaustion and beloved Aunt Darline coming to her with hands full of Peanut Buster Sundaes to celebrate the end of declensions, participles, and deponent verbs.  On another side of the spectrum, my father continues to understand Greek so well that he even has an application on his phone that is the Greek New Testament and pulls it out during church on Sunday!

Yesterday, I stepped out out of my Greek course confident in my ability to translate Greek.  My translation sure is not perfect but I am able to understand the text and argue about fine points of translation, which I would say is a huge step in the right direction.

Where do I fit in on the scale of this Greek mountain?

I didn't collapse but I certainly was ready for these 6 weeks to be o-v-e-r.  Will I still be able to translate 20 years from now?

Only time will be able to tell.  Monos kronos duvatai leyeiv.

The thing about studying Greek that blows my mind is the fact that all of the grammar lessons and discussions about whether a noun is nominative or accusative really do lead me (and the other students) into this brand new world of discovering the Bible in the text it was written in.  This concept seems so obvious, but the moment that you gain a new insight because of the Greek word choice, if feels as if I have learned how to see a color that wasn't available before.  Every time I get to a verse that I recognize within the first few words, I cannot help but smile to myself and get ready for my mind to be blown, Greek-style.

I'm in Seminary, but I'm not Crazy!

One of the first questions people ask me when they meet me is, "Why did you move out to Berkeley?  Are you attending CalBerkeley?"

Before I answer, my heart gives a little sigh.  It is as if my soul is saying, "Alright, here comes the first test."  What will this person think once I tell them that I am here to attend a Lutheran seminary? That I will be spending four years of my life studying theology and pastoral care and Lutheran traditions?  Whenever I tell people this, I feel like I want to tack on, "But I'm not crazy!"

I can imagine you readers out there might think, "Stick to your guns, Kaitlin! Be proud of how far you have come!"  I am very proud of who I am, where I am, and what I am doing with my life--but how far can I really go whilst in a casual conversation to explain that society's stereotype of a Christian is very far from who I am as a Lutheran?

This is not something only seminarians struggle with.  How can you get across a message of love, justice, and grace when there is so much hate surrounding the idea of Christianity in our culture?  I think I might be answering my question as I write this, because the reason I am going to seminary is so that as a religious leader, I can continue to provide compassion, intellect, and grace for people who have not found it before in a religious context.

In short, what  I want to say to each person that asks me about where I am in life is, " I attend seminary. I am in training to become a pastor/chaplain.  I can get married and (gasp!) have sex. I can drink alcohol.  I am a person who might stay up too late, make mistakes, make dirty jokes, and dance ridiculously. I am compassionate and want to support people when they are at their lowest moments.  I am logical and enjoy questioning the things that I believe, in order to gain a deeper perspective.  I want to hear your opinion on spirituality and religion, especially if you do not believe anything, because you still have that hunger to belong to something. To believe in something.  I hope you find meaning in your lifetime; any meaning.  I have no agenda but to support people in their struggles with mortality and spirituality."

Think that is too much of a mouthful to say to a stranger you've just met?

New Adventures of the Min. Wage Kind

It's funny how I spent most of last week fretting so much about needing to get the motivation to study for Greek.  The most popular excuses were:
1. Naptime! Who doesn't need 2 naps per day?
2. A walk around the Berkeley Hills is refreshing and, of course, exercise is completely as important as studying, right?
3. Lord of the Rings! Yes please, let's take a 3 hour break from studying to watch Orks get killed!

Those three points being said, I still was able to get at least a few hours of studying done every day.  Greek is beginning to settle into my brain and I hope that it will stay with me for a long time.

This week has been and will be a different story entirely.

Yesterday, I started my first day of training at a local cafe in Berkeley--and I will be spending 4 days there this week!  I feel so grateful to have been able to find part-time work within two weeks of moving into the Bay Area.  The first few days are always the most difficult, so I am glad for the patience and kindness the staff have shown me when I ask a question every five minutes.

I am excited to be a part of a coffee-shop once again! My nose has missed the coffee-shop scent--for me it is a mixture of espresso grounds, buttery pastries, and wooden tables.  One whiff of that scent and I go straight back to the hours I spent at Deja Vu Coffeehouse (the first job I ever had).  Every morning, as I stepped through that brightly painted door, I would take a deep breath of the coffee-shop scent and smile.  It felt great to be a part of that coffee-shop and I will always hold Deja Vu in my heart.  I'm looking forward to making room for another wonderful cafe!

Since I am juggling Greek, training/work, getting to and from work, and those minor things in life like sleeping and eating, I have a pretty busy schedule this week!  My multi-tasking skills feel a little rusty--it is funny how easily I adjusted to only having a job to worry about every week.  I am glad to be able to adjust to this during this summer so I can be ready and prepared for my first semester!  I also cannot imagine how people adjust into seminary (or any schooling, for that matter) after spending years in the full-time work mindset.

Even though my schedule is a bit hectic, I love being able to enjoy the little things.  The 45 minute walk to work is full of great views of the Bay Area ( I first mistyped that as Gay Area, had a little giggle at the non-irony of that statement, and then fixed it- I hope that entertains you as well).  While making my way down the hill to get into downtown, there is a block on Spruce St. that is lined with blackberry bushes.  Two girls were eating from it yesterday, so I had a few today--they were pretty tasty.  Oh, the little secrets that the Berkeley Hills holds only for the pedestrians. :)

People in Berkeley, well, the Berkeley Hills at least, operate as if everyone that walks by is a neighbor.  It is quite nice to be greeted by every person that is out gardening, walking a dog, or grabbing mail--it's almost as if I'm in the Midwest. But, wait, I can see the Golden Gate from here! What a blessed life I live.

Greek nerd what?

It seems that I have become a Greek nerd.  The past two nights, as I have faded off to sleep, the thoughts in my head stop being English but turn into the sounds of the Greek language.  I wish that would mean that I hold the secret knowledge of the intricacies of Greek, which is not true.  But guess what? Two days into the course I could translate a sentence.  Then, when declensions and pronouns got involved, I totally lost all confidence that I could do this whole "read Greek" thing.  Many hours of studying later, I feel pretty good about my first week of class.  1/6 of the way done! :)  Though I've heard a rumor that there are 4 different past verb tenses......

I am starting to get the hang of the crazy winding, incredibly tiny Berkeley Hills streets and I feel quite proud that I no longer require a GPS and a few curse words to get anywhere nowadays.

My birthday (aka first day of Greek!) was absolutely splendid.  The PLTS students and staff that were on campus surprised me by singing to me in front of the whole class!  It was a very kind welcoming into the PLTS community.  I am enjoying comiserating with the 10 other students in the course; it is helpful to know that other people are studying and quizzing and want to give up right at the same times that I do.

My birthday dinner consisted of a night in of cooking two kinds of spaetzle: cheddar onion and swiss sauerkraut.  For those of you not hip to the German food world, spaetzle is a homemade noodle that is versatile because you can add anything to it and its instant delicious. :)  Making spaetzle reminds me of the lovely woman, Sophie Schmid, who taught me how to make it.  I remember crouching over a boiling pot and slicing little bits of dough into the pot, while thinking, "How the heck are these weird floating things going to taste good?" But oh, they are amazing.  My mother made her famous dark chocolate pound cake that is melt-in-your-mouth, fattening-your-waist-line delicious.

Berkeley continues to be a beauty.  These past days have been quite sunny up here in the Berkeley Hills; which isn't too helpful when one should be inside studying their second declension endings.  I was lucky enough to see a deer and her two fawns tonight just outside of the dorm.

I think back on how far I have come in this past year and wonder what lies in store for my faith these next months.  I've heard multiple times that the first year of seminary breaks your faith completely apart so that it can be built back up, stronger and more malleable.  I'm glad for the aspect of a building back up from the ruins, but I worry for the breaking down.  What lies in store for me during my first semester here?  The best I can do is be myself in every direction I take and trust that there is a greater plan for me.

I have heard from a few people so far that I have the Berkeley look about me.  If Berkeley means awesome, which I'm pretty sure it does, I'll take that compliment whole-heartedly. :D

Day 2 and 3: Reno and Berkeley!

Rounds 2 and 3 of mountain driving survival were successful. :)  Utah and Nevada are both much more gorgeous than anyone gives them credit for.  Perhaps that is because I am not talking to the right people, but usually the common references are Utah--Mormons and Nevada--gambling.

Now, when I think of Utah, I think of the miles and miles of the salt flats.  I-80 drives straight through what used to be a bigger salt lake that has dried up and left a stunning view of blindingly white layers of salt on the land (All I wanted to do was get out of the car and go taste some salt but I'm guessing that is horribly unhygienic).  Utah means %5 declines on the highway with views of mountains abound as you tear down the mountain at 75 mph.  Utah is red soil and rock formations so steep and so formed that it seems as if they were chiseled by thousands of artists who wanted to demand more beauty out of Utah.

When Nevada comes to mind, I recall the slight cool breeze that lowers the temperature of the desert climate as soon as the sun goes down.  Reno means views of the Sierra mountains that force you to intake a breath and soak up the beauty.  Reno is elaborate architecture and outlandish style that covers the buildings of casinos.

And even better, California might be all that it is cracked up to be.  As we passed over the state line, the high divider was no longer a stretch of brown desert grass but flowers, pink and red and white and purple.  Miles and miles of blooming flowers, full of prosperity and beauty. Full of hope. :)

My dorm room is HUGE! It was built to be a double but now all of the rooms are used as singles so I have plenty of space for organizing as well as decorating.  Only 4 people will be living in the dorms during this next 6 weeks so I get to stretch out a bit until the rest of people show up for fall!

Day 1: Salt Lake City!

Wow. Yesterday, I would have told you that mountain driving is strenous but managable.  After trekking across Wyoming and Utah and encountering semis that are passing me at 75 mph during a decline, I feel much less of a Westerner in my ultimate pansy reaction to the whole situation.  5 years of flatland have done me in.

Dramatics aside, today was a beautiful day of discovery.

While driving in Northeast Colorado to get to I-80, there were many patches of soil that were deep shades of red.  I hadn't seen the red soil that is the namesake of the state that prominent.  I can no longer make jokes about the supposed "colorful" Colorado--it really is that red.  How the heck am I supposed to be funny now? :)

The rolling hills in eastern Wyoming make it clear that this whole part of the land used to be an ocean floor.  The sandy hills dotted with little green bushes would fit right into a picture of the Australian reef.

 Utah is gorgeous. Absolutely breathtaking. Terrifying to drive in, but the vistas. Oh, the vistas (I am mainly using this word because my mother used it about 7 times today and also fancy words are the coolest).

Who got to see the Mormon Temple in Salt Lake? THIS GIRL.










At the Great River Platte museum in NE, there was plenty of information about the trek that the Mormons made from the plains to Utah.  As I viewed these mountainsides, I could not imagine how those people stuck it out through the desert conditions that cover these huge mountains.  Directing houses that are hauling wagons made with wooden wheels.  Must have been an abundance of perseverance and hope for what the Wild West could offer.

Thanks to the lovely Elizabeth Pierce for hosting us in Salt Lake City! She was a great tour guide to the Capitol, the Mormon Mecca (ha probably not the correct word but it gets the point across), and University of Utah!